That means you can now drive from gas station to gas station to get to your destination, instead of needing a gas truck escort.Īn SUV can cost anywhere from a $kia to $mercedes, depending on how much tree-killing, and how you do per day, this however is irrelevant if your an ecoterroristaphobic. The new H3 and H3T have improved efficiency, getting an amazing 1 1/2 gallons per mile. Gas mileage of a typical Hummer ranges between 2 to 3 gallons per mile, only requiring that you refuel twice a day. They are powered entirely by a picture of Steven Seagal located behind them. The "sports" edition engines are comprised of two midgets running inside a hamster wheel, while making "vroom vroom" noises with their mouthes. Although they only have up to forty ox-power, they use smart gearing and efficient materials to allow speeds of up to 800 fathoms/minute. SUVs are designed as generally small, compact sports cars that handle with great ease and are very environmentally sound. The older H2 model of the hummer provided unsurpassed flexibility, from dropping off the kids at soccer practice, to bringing the space shuttle to the launch pad The SUV was used during the Iraq war to aid the American Special Forces to look under all types of rocks to find weapons of mass destruction which were never found. SUVs can mainly be seen in big tents, or on police camera action videos being chased by police, the latter species being natural to America. Fortunately most hummers come equipped with a handicapped parking permit allowing the "handicapped" hippo to limp to a nearby motorized shopping cart complete with a basket almost large enough for the Hummer driver's evening snack of Doritos and Oreos which almost takes up 1/115th of the Hummer cargo space. Good luck finding a parking space at the grocery store. But the H2 has found it's way to Scotland, which has roads of about the same width as the car itself. The only reason someone would purchase a hummer is to compensate for the small chorizo in their stretch pantaloons. SUVs are mainly designed for plus-sized people who need a 3 foot stomach to steering wheel distance ratio and two feet of thigh room. The claim that something as banal as a hunk of metal on wheels could give them self-esteem, absurd as it may seem to the modern mind, resonated too deeply with their innermost fears and desires to be ignored (see religion). In the late 1950s, after 400 years of looking at the automobile as a means of transportation, the automotive industry was riveted by a startling new idea: that cars might be manly, or even sexually attractive.īooze or not, executives latched on to the idea like lice on bigger lice, no doubt partly because some of them had feelings of inadequacy.
Trabant built a small number of SUVs in 1998. The SUV driver's desire to use a mobile phone, smoke, drink coffee all at once and their apparent hatred of all two wheeled vehicles has made them universally hated. SUV is also an acronym for Super Ugly Vehicle, School Transport, Tart Wagon or Chelsea Tractor, in a manner of speaking. It has also been known to compensate for the gigantic ego of said drivers, and has been known to make the male reproductive organs larger.
#MOTORIZED SPORT UTILITY WAGON DRIVERS#
Although 2 out of 3 SUV drivers are simply gargantuan, the classier models frequently sport a skinny pinny hauling her brood of 200 pound children to various sport like activities and fast food restaurants. It claims to be the first plus-sized vehicle since the transport truck capable of hauling a 300 pound parent, 3 doubleplus sized ungood children, and 20 bags of groceries without breaking the axles and blowing out the rear tires. A supersized urban vehicle ( SUV) is a generic marketing term for an overgrown station wagon that allows hefty drivers of a certain weight to get to work without taking the city bus or a semi.
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